Well, finally the review I’ve been waiting to write over a year now – “The Simpsons Ride”.
Ever since Universal Studios announced that it was putting in the “The Simpsons Ride” in both the Hollywood and Orlando theme parks, I’ve been waiting eagerly to check out this ride. In fact the wait was so long, I gave up on checking it’s status and was reminded by a radio ad announcing it was open and finally made plans to check it out.
But all that is forgotten now that we got up early this morning and strolled into the front gate moments after the park opened and headed straight for the new ride.
Now, before I go any further, I want to point out this review is finally a first had account. I’ve been passing on what I “heard” and bits and pieces of third hand reports from others, but this is the real deal. Some of it differs from what I shared with some of you before, but this is the be-all-end-all account.
So, without further ado, make sure your arms and legs remain inside the car at all times, and let’s begin the review.
First, Universal Orlando presumes you’ve lived in a cave for the past year as they remind you every chance they can that the Simpsons Ride is there and is open. You pass ads on every road leading the Universal, and once you get through the parking booth, the first thing you see ahead of you an enormous ground level billboard reminding yet again that the ride is open.
Next, if you’ve ever been to Universal Orlando, you’re already aware that regardless of how good your parking space is in the garage, you still have about a mile walk to any front gate, Universal Studios or Islands of Adventure. But fear not, there are not less than 4 over head signs that, you guessed it, remind you that the Simpson ride is open.
So now that you’ve exhausted yourself getting to gate, and wait in line to get in the park you are reminded yet again that the Simpsons ride is open as it’s the front cover of every language edition of the park map.
But there really is no need for the park map when it comes to this ride because the directional arrow is on every single directional sign in the park. So simply follow the arrows, and you’ll stumble upon it soon enough.
Once you’re in the vicinity, signs of the Simpsons motif start to pop up. First on the path we took, was this squishee stand. It wasn’t open in those wee hours of the morning, so I didn’t get to drop 7 bucks on one.
Next up, the Kwik-E-Mart, aka: The Gift shop. This is old news, sort of; this shop was opened pretty much the day after Back to the Future closed. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but it was opened pretty damn quickly. Might not have a ride yet, but that doesn’t mean they can’t starting raking in the merchandising money.
Now we’re finally in the main attraction area. If you didn’t notice that the old back to the future building has been completely re-painted and re-faced, that probably means you were distracted by the huge Simpsons banner garden directly across from the building.
So, where’s the ride? Oh, it’s probably that Gigantic Krusty the Clown head with the word “Krustyland” arched above it. Oh, and the 20 foot tall Simpson Ride Statue probably has something to do with it to.
As mentioned earlier, the old Back the Future the Ride building was re-painted and re-faced for the attraction. Though it’s totally rethemed, the building is still pretty recognizable as the Back to the Future building. I didn’t think to take pictures over a year ago to compare the changes at this point – probably would have been a good idea – so here’s a picture I found on google of the Back to the Future attraction to compare the Simpsons attraction to.
Once inside, you’re given the impression that your waiting in line to enter Krustyland. Yes, Krustyland, not Itchy and Scratchy Land. Oh well, can’t cannon everything.
There are a lot of billboards on the walls of fictitious attractions. Most, if not all, direct parodies of Disney attractions.
At the point of the ride, the best improvement has been the queue line entertainment. On the screens above you tells the story of how Krusty sunk is fortune into this park and now owes money to his “loaning institutions” and he hopes the new ride he’s bringing you into preview will be his cash cow. To break up the story, classic clips of the Simpsons involving Itchy and Scratchy land, Duff world, and other theme part related clips are played. To extend the pre-show, there are random clips of involving theme park etiquette, souvenir shopping, etc involving a lot of the Simpsons minor characters. But the piece de resistance is clip of Professor Frink arriving at Krustyland looking for “The Institute of Future Technologies” – the old Back the The Future The Ride facade. He travels back in time (in the Delorean) and catches up with Doc Brown (voiced by Christopher Lloyd himself) and the scene explains what happened to the institute and the creation of Krustyland in this location. This clip alone is worth any amount of waiting time in line! So the point I’m trying to make is, this longer loop of clips is much more entertaining than the old “1 clip – then the same 3 songs” that was the pre-show of Back to the Future. Thanks to the Back to the Future ride, I now know all the lyrics to Hughey Lewis and the News’ “Power of Love”.
Finally, into the ride: this is where my other reports account of the attraction starts to go off in some direction that I don’t know what they talking about. I’ll forego what’s been reported before and just report what’s what.
The waiting area for the ride is setup like a theme park midway manned by Simpson’s characters. Hans Moleman is in the information booth, which is strategically placed in the corner so he can say his trademark “hellll-oooo” to catch your attention. Patty and Selma are working the lost and found. Apu is behind the concession stand, and Grounds Keep Willie is attending the “knock over the milk bottles” game booth.
Soon, Krusty comes on the big screen directly in front of you. He tells you about this new ride and does an “eeny meeny miny moe” type of selection on who gets to try out the ride. To no surprise, he picks the Simpsons, with the offer of the Simpsons to pick 1 group to ride with them. The Simpsons pick the group you’re currently inside the room with – good thing or else that wait would have been for nothing.
So at this point, everything sounds good but something seems missing. All the great rides at Universal have an adversary in their story line. Back the future had Biff Tannen, Spiderman has Dr. Octopus, T23D has the T-1000 and Skynet, and of course “Jaws” has the shark. Well, enter Side-Show Bob (yes, voiced by Kelsey Grammer)! Who better?
Side Show Bob escaped the Springfield penitentiary once again, and has taken this opportunity to rid himself of the Simpsons once and for all by sabotaging the ride. You, unfortunately, will be innocent victims of his revenge.
On to the “waiting room” to get on the ride. Here you see a safety video hosted by Itchy and Scratchy (ah, I knew they’d show up sooner or later). Once that’s over, on the ride, finally.
From here on out, if you’ve been on the Back to the Future, or The Klingon Encounter in Las Vegas, it’s the same type of ride. A giant 180 degree screen in front of the motion simulator you’re riding in.
Now here’s the point that the ride through me off a little bit (figuratively, I didn’t actually fall off the ride). I asked a Universal Employee if the ride was “3D” and she said “yes.” What I meant in asking was do you wear 3D glassed like Shrek, Spiderman, and T2. What her answer meant was that the movie for the ride was 3D animation. So after seeing the usually Simpson animation, I’m now facing a 100 foot 180 degree screen filled with 3D animation. The animation wasn’t as horrific as a video game, and not as creepy as the Halloween horror night’s segment, but still a little “off”. I didn’t take my video camera with me – I didn’t want to get banned from the ride my first time on it – maybe after a couple dozen times I’ll take that chance, but no really plans on it. Here’s a screen grab I found on google to illustrate the animation:
Once the ride got started and experiencing the rapid POV angle changes and simulated speed, I can see why they went this route. The regular animation probably wouldn’t have pulled off the motion simulation as well, plus three quarters of the Korean animation guild would have retired with incurable carpal tunnel syndrome.
So without throwing in any spoilers, I’ll just say that your ride through Krustyland and Springfield on an out-of-control rollercoaster car with Side Show Bob trying to kill you the whole time. There’s a ton of jokes, scenes, and references along the way, but I’ll let you experience those yourself.
So that’s really it. I’ll grade it now with this grading system I made up off the top of my head:
Rating the ride on its own merit: 6/10
Rating the Theme of the Ride: 8/10
Rating the Overall Story from door to door: 8/10
Rating it as a must see for a Simpsons Fan: 20/10
So it’s not the most intense ride in the world, and sure they recycled some pre-existing technology. But, it’s the Simpsons, how can it be all bad? I loved the Back the Future Ride. Mainly because of the motion simulation and giant curved screen – I’ve always enjoyed that better than the Star Tours VR ride. So to see it up and running again was great. And they enhanced the screen; you can’t see the seams like you used to! And again, it’s the Simpsons so that just adds to the cool factor. So one two levels – 1 If you’re Simpsons fan, you have to go on this ride, there’s no two ways about it; and 2 – if you’re a theme park fan like I am, take the time to check it out, it’s a good ride regardless of the theme.
On the way out I had to check out the gift shop. Not a whole lot to choose from yet surprisingly and nearly all of the T-Shirts said “Universal Orlando” somewhere on them. I did find one thing worth buying though; A “Flaming Moe” energy drink.
Oh, I don’t want to forget to mention this. About 5 minutes after leaving the ride, I realized there were no Harry Shearer characters speaking in the entire ride, or the pre-show. I’ve heard and read that one of the biggest delays in opening the ride was due to his demands and conditions to appear in the attraction. I guess that was Fox/Universal’s way of saying “F.U. Harry, we really don’t need Smithers, Burns, Kent Brockman, or any of the other secondary characters you voice after all!” Te-heh!
BONUS REVIEW
As excited I was about the Simpsons Ride, I was absolutely blown away with what Universal Orlando did with “Disaster”, formerly “Earthquake”.
The old ride, for those not familiar with it, was an “Earthquake” simulation that took place in a subway. While that part is still exactly the same, they’ve done a fantastic job with the 2 pre-shows leading up to that portion of the ride.
In Earthquake, you were treated to some of Charlton Heston’s less than enthusiastic acting while he hosted the attraction. I know it’s not good Karma to knock the recently deceased, but holy shit was he a bad actor. And to watch him for 20 minutes hosting something that he obviously didn’t give a crap about was unbearable. In the second room you were treated to the latest and greatest visual effects… of the late 70s. Including this brand knew thing the kids are calling “chromakey”. Ugh.
Well, now instead of the focus being on the ancient film “Earthquake”, you are in “Disaster Studios”, owned and operated by Director, producer, writer Frank Kincaid – played by Christopher Walken.
Walken is always the funniest when he’s performing a caricature of himself – which is what Frank Kincaid is. He’s the Roger Corman of Disaster films.
In the first room, the “assistant director” (a live person) picks 9 “actors” from the audience to help complete Kincaid’s newest film. So-so, but there are some laughs in the script.
Now, onto the second room. This is was what absolutely blew my mind. There is a 20 foot by 15 foot (roughly) beyond High Definition screen on the stage, well hidden with props and other scenery. Frank Kincaid walks out on stage, interacts with the props, interacts with the “assistant director” and does this hilarious 20 minutes monologue about the film. Walken’s performance is nothing short of brilliant! And how the hell Universal did all this interaction is beyond me. He walks around tables that the Assistance director leans and sits on, he knock over real film cans that the assistant director picks up, one minute he’s in front of a real desk, the next he’s seamlessly behind it (legs and feet underneath it and everything), it was amazing! I’m going to go back and stand in the front row dead center to try to figure out just a little bit how this was done.
So now on to the next room. This was where I used to be mesmerized by that astounding Chromakey. Not anymore. This is the filming set for the 9 actors. They film about 7 or 8 separate scenes. None of which make any sense. They even pull in a 10th actor for a pick up shot. It’s still fun to watch because these are all regular people, most of which who were forced into this by their family members. So after about 10 or 15 minutes of this, watching the “actors” extremely uncomfortable and listening to the “assistant Director’s” scripted jokes, you’re into the subway to film the climatic “Disaster” scene.
This part is exactly the same as “Earthquake”. Sorta cool, worth checking out, but the real fun is when it’s over. Where as in “Earthquake” you were quickly pulled back into the loading platform and herded away, the train now very, very, slowly returns. This is so you can see the footage just shot in the previous room put together into the new trailer for the movie you’re currently a part of. It is freakin hilarious! Cheesy to the max and even stars Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
All in all, I was extremely impressed how Universal breathed new life in this nearly 20 year old attraction. If you haven’t seen it yet, check it out if for nothing else but the Christopher Walken interaction Screen/Stage.
So there’s the report, er, reports. Hope it was worth the wait. It was on this end. But now I’m ready to do it again next week.
